Get ready for a taste bud adventure as we dive into the world of beverages! While water is essential for survival, drinks offer so much more than just hydration. Recently, a debate ignited over which beverages people secretly find awful. From boozy concoctions to non-alcoholic sips, every type of drink was scrutinized. Join us as we reveal the truth about the drinks we pretend to love. Prepare for some surprising taste revelations!
Malort
OK, we had to look this up, too. We thought it was Merlot misspelled. Oh no. Jeppson’s Malort, as it is properly called, is distilled from wormwood – the same ingredient that produces absinthe and its accompanying hallucinations. Let’s say the flavor offers much to comment upon.
“Malort sounds like the bad guy on a kids cartoon.”
“I think my favorite review of Malort is: “Imagine twisting damp socks after a heavy workout and squeezing the moisture into a bottle. Fill the bottle with that, let it ferment in a warm closet. That’s Malort”.”
“They even know it’s bad. Their posters are amazing. ‘Malort, for when you want to unfriend someone in person,’ or, another gem, ‘Malort, tonight’s the night you fight your dad.’ There are few things I appreciate more than self-aware marketing.”
“Malort is alcoholic vomit bile.”
“it’s like if someone soaked your grandmother’s bathroom potpourri in some vodka.”
“I am a bartender and I tell people it tastes like somebody burnt earwax and hair and used it to infuse liquor.”
La Croix
La Croix is flavored sparkling water, which has been around for a long time, but for some reason, when La Croix came to market it was like they reinvented the wheel. There are many La Croix lovers out there. This Reddit thread brought out the haters.
“Lacroix tastes like someone else is thinking about fruit.”
“I’ve heard it described as ‘drinking static while someone yells out flavours from the next room’ and I can’t find a more accurate description.”
“My favorite I heard is that it tastes like someone ate a bunch of fruit then burped in your water.”
“I love La Croix and yet these are all true.”
Or this poster got creative with a bullet point list:
- “Hint of hint of lime.
- Strawberry with a low battery.
- Once waved at a kiwi.
- Transported in a truck near bananas.
- Shy watermelon
- Previous grape sighting.
- Wait. Nope. Wasn’t an orange.
- Rumor of an Apple.
- The concept of a pear
- Reflected shadow of a grapefruit
- Hypnosis-recovered repressed memory of raspberry”
Moxie
If you aren’t from New England, you might not know “Moxie”. It is the state soft drink of Maine. “Moxie has a unique taste that is both sweet and bitter, featuring gentian root extract, and was originally marketed as a medicinal ‘Moxie Nerve Food,’ accompanied by claims to fix a variety of ailments.” Let’s see what the Reddit community has to say.
“I will NEVER understand how Moxie is considered ‘delicious.’ As someone who has had Moxie, it is one of the worst soda pops ever. I think I could use it to strip rust from my car.”
“I finally saw a bottle of Moxie after hearing about it for years. I tried it and had to finish it out of some obscure pride. It’s revolting. Shame on Ted Williams for pushing it!”
“I love Moxie and used to ship it to a Massachusetts expat in Alaska. One of my friends says it tastes like hate.”
Stevia Sweetened Anything
Stevia is quite popular with many people – but not these people. Do not offer them drinks sweetened with stevia.
“I wonder if this is genetic, like the soapy cilantro thing. Any artificial sweetener completely ruins food and drink for me, but stevia is somehow 100x worse.”
“Sweet iced coffee is my #1 weakness when it comes to my diet and fitness. Kept trying stevia but it ruins everything. Small amount and it’s just oddly bitter, add more and it’s like drinking bitter liquified sugar with a burnt aftertaste that coats my mouth.”
“I had a period of time when I really couldn’t do sugar. Ended up going entirely sweet free because the taste of stevia and other artificial sweeteners was so disgusting, I would rather go without.”
Tonic Water
Gin and tonic anyone? Maybe if you leave out the tonic! But then again, there were some true tonic lovers.
“Tonic water. I’m going to get hated on for this, but by itself or whatever it gets mixed with taste vile to me. Probably a me problem, but neat gin isn’t so bad.”
“Me too. I thought I didn’t like gin… but it was the tonic. Gin and plain soda water is actually nice.”
“Love it! Keeps the malaria away.”
Kombucha
Fermented fizzy drinks filled with probiotics. Doesn’t sound like your thing? Then you probably don’t like kombucha either.
“I differ in that I really dislike Kombucha across the board but agree that there is massive inconsistency in the market. I’ve tasted some that have just the lightest vinegar aroma, and some that taste like a truck stop bathroom sink smells. My question is how do you produce a lower acetic version vs. the super funky kinds?”
“They taste like old man smell. I had an older renter that used this annoying minty eucalyptus menthol soap that stunk up the whole flat. Every once in a while I taste a kombucha that reminds me of that smell, and I can’t finish it. I’ve learned to stick to the brands I know and trust.”
“Not to mention giving you the burps.”
“I tried it once. It tasted like I was drinking someone else’s diluted vomit. Not for me. I’ll stick with my own vomit, thank you!”
Clamato
Clamato. That’s right. Clam flavored tomato juice.
“Clamato. Who the heck is drinking this? Why is there still enough of a market for it to be made?”
“Clamato is super popular in Mexico they use litters of it in bars and clubs making these drinks called Micheladas which contain Beer, Clamato Juice and spices but I could see why other countries wouldn’t drink it just alone straight out of the bottle since it’s not something people normally drink every day.”
“Clamato is great. I always make ‘Lazy Caesars’ with it. Hot sauce, Worcestershire, and some celery salt. So good. But it’s solid by itself.”
Jäegermeister
Jäegermeister is a German digestif made with 56 herbs and spices, with a 35% alcohol volume. Which is high. Some say it tastes herbal, with licorice notes, and the texture is thick and syrupy.
“Jäegermeister. I don’t mind the taste of most alcohol but this one is just straight up nasty. Can’t even mix it with anything either to get rid of the gross taste.”
“If I had a nickel for every time I drank Jaeger and ended up in jail, I’d have two nickels. Which isn’t a lot, but kinda strange that it happened twice.”
“Too much jager got me kicked out of the local strip club for being too drunk when I was younger.”
“You can make a good BBQ marinade with it, but otherwise it’s grim.”
“Cough medicine in a bottle.”
Coconut Water
“Tastes like water that’s already been in someone’s mouth.”
“Not just any water either, pool water.”
“I once tried it even from a German organic grocery store, after reading it to be that good, I spit it out immediately and tossed into the trash. Bah. So disgusting.”
Energy Drinks
“Any energy drink like Redbull, Monster and all that crap. They all taste the same, and they all taste horrible. I’m convinced most people just buys them because ‘it’s cool’”.
“I buy them just to wake the heck up. They do taste like TV static though.”
“Red Bull’s taste is like a failed attempt at capturing lightning in a can. It’s as if someone accidentally spilled a chemistry set into a vat of sugar and decided to call it an energy drink. Sip it and prepare to experience the delicate nuances of disappointment with a subtle aftertaste of regret. It’s a flavor that will make you question your life choices faster than you can say ‘caffeine crash!’”
This article was inspired by a thread on Reddit. It has been edited for language.
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